I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
