Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
