If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
