Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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