The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
