also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
