hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
