upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
