It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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