I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
