proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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