everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
