sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
