Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
