I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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