as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
