you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
