i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
