Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
