You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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