If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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