Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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