dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
