Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
