Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
