does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
