I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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