I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
