he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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