you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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