did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
