Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
sex in a hospital.. check
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
