I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
they need to just BURY HIM!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
