I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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