I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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