some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
