Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
