i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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