You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
