all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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