Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
