Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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