my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
