How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
