DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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