More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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