i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
