lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
