too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you never un-have a 4some
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
