I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
