So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
