it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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